Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Guy Talk: What Is Your Dating Blind Spot?

Everyone has a blind spot.  And in the area of dating and women, many men have very prominent blind spots.  By definition, we might be unable to diagnose ourselves.  But, if we can generate an interesting discussion on blind spots we have noticed in OTHERS, we might be helped to take a different look at ourselves.

I know that when I was starting to learn how to get better with women and dating, a blind spot I had was in my mindset.  I suffered from a ‘frame of scarcity’.  When I was talking to a woman, I would get so locked-in on her that I would lose all perspective and begin to NEED her approval.  This is a huge no-no when meeting women.  No woman wants to feel needed within 5 minutes.  I could be surrounded by multitudes of women, and still feel a sense of panic if this particular girl was showing signs of losing interest.

My solution to this was to learn more gimmicks, try harder, change my body language etc.  My answer was cosmetic…which had little to no effect.

Gaining perspective for me was difficult.  But, I eventually obtained it by being persistent and growing my own self-esteem (by building my lifestyle).

What blind spots have you noticed, either in yourself or other guys?  Lets get a list going here as a point of reference for guys out there really trying to improve their social lives.

In working with a lot of men, here are a few I’ve noticed:

1) They *THINK* their ‘look’ is strong, when in fact it is boring and average

2) They *THINK* their body language is solid, but when they approach a woman they show blatant signs of neediness and nervousness

3) They *THINK* they have decent breath, but in fact it stinks (more common than you’d think unfortunately)

4) They *THINK* their lifestyle is strong and socially-focused when, in fact, it is average, anti-social and uninviting to women (this one’s complex…and very, very common)

And the biggie…

5) They *THINK* that learning ‘pick-up’ skills will help them to meet women, when in fact their results are barely improving (if at all).  The common solution here is to ‘buy more products’ or ‘learn more gimmicks’ or ‘practice harder’ when, in fact, they are aggravating the issue (It’s subtle, but I see this one a lot; in fact, I’ve come to call my 1-1 NYC Dating Coaching “PUA Detox” as many guys are infected with a bunch of rubbish and mental nonsense that is only making matters worse…)

What issues have you seen in your friends, wingmen, or other guys you’ve watched interacting with women?

Again, it might be impossible for you to see your blind spot, but if you can see another’s it might be a clue as to what is infecting you…

Lets go!  Add your thoughts below.


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