Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Dabbling in the Friend Zone

I have been thinking a LOT on this topic lately as I have started hanging out with some girls a lot more than I normally do. It’s really difficult for me to be friends with girls because inevitable we sleep together. I’m going to write a more detailed article about whether men and women can actually be friends for my tsbmag series. For today I want to just share what’s been going on.
Friday morning I woke up in bed with my friend’s roomate for the 3rd time in a row. This time she was finally completely naked, but other than a little light fingering nothing really happened. I am pretty sure that we didn’t even kiss. So how did I get here…..
Thursday the roomate texts me to say that it’s the Giraffe’s birthday that night and I have to come. Her birthday isn’t for another week, so I was caught by surprise. I thought of a cool present and just planned on dropping it off as I am tired of missing the gym on Friday because of them. I got there and it was 3 girls and 3 boys. I was central to their plans and couldn’t really slip away. I ended up downtown and hammered with the girls and eventually it was just me and the 2 of them. I was really grinding on the Giraffe in this honky tonk and just having a nice ole time.
We left and it was clear she was about to pass out. Her roommate was like let’s get a 12pack and party just the two of us after she crashes. Now I’m into that. I have a strong enough sense of self that I can be friends with this girl and not creep on her 24/7. In fact I didn’t make any moves in the bar at all. So the gas station won’t sell her beer because she’s so hammered and they won’t sell to me either after her demonstration.
So we end up back at hers and it’s all good…. Until she realizes that her cell phone is missing. Now this is a level 10 state break. There are a couple of terrible things that can pretty much destroy your chances of anything happening with a girl. 1. Lost Friend 2. Lost Keys 3. Lost Cell Phone
I know this and it’s practically tattooed on my brain. But I’m in a limbo place because I am kind of friends with this girl. The giraffe is my homey and she clearly needs to pass out so I tell her that I will handle this so she can just crash out. We grab a taxi and check the bar and the gas station to no avail. It appears that she left her phone in a random taxi. With no password. And a ton of “private” photos on it.
So she is really distressed and actually crying a bit. I mean she is going to have to drop some serious dosh to cover this issue. And I think she is going to have to cancel a trip she was planning. So she is in a very unhappy mood by the time we are in bed. I use my magical massage powers to get her completely nude, but there is no kissing and she’s still crying.
I help her deactivate her phone so that at least it can’t be used if it’s snatched, but it’s still expensive and got those photos. I try to remain the rock in this situation. But I hate being in the limbo between friends and more than friends or whatever. I know what to do if I’m in one position or the other, but in between sucks.
She makes me promise to take her to the phone store the moment it opens in the morning at 9am. So now I’m locked in. Crap.
We fool around a little but she doesn’t let me get past 2nd base and eventually I just fall asleep. She is actually a really good cuddler. But I find it hard to sleep as the big spoon. I know and I don’t care. It’s just what I like. I’m a little spoon kinda guy.
So I pass out.
I wake up and give it a 2nd go at like 6am or something. I get her halfway warmed up before she slams the breaks again.
This is where I hit my dilemma. I was sober enough to drive home and I could sleep in my bed and make it to my favorite gym day of the week. That’s 100% what I would do if this girl was just a girl I was creeping on or whatever. But if she’s my friend I have to stay to take her in the morning to sort out her phone situation.
So I stick around because I promised and I don’t wanna be a promise breaker. So we get up and in the end she drives and the Giraffe comes with us. And I’m not sure why I’m even there. The guy at the phone store is kinda handsome but dumb as a rock and she flirts with him super hard in front of me. I’m not really sure if that’s appropriate or not, I just wanna get home to recover. Then they make me go to breakfast with them and it’s ok I guess but she is getting more and more angry about stuff and kind of acting like an asshole to be honest.
In the car on the way home she demands that I tell her the fastest way to her place and no scenic route. Then halfway home when I suggest a different turn she tells me to shut up. It’s a nice mixed message. I just want out of there. As soon as we get to her place she heads over to her neighbor’s house. Now I know that he’s one of the 8 guys in her current rotation. So I’m outa there.
The truth is most of the night I was analyzing and trying to determine the best course of action. I don’t have an emotional investment in this girl, so I am able to maintain my objectivity, but just barely.
I think if I’d slipped out I woulda come off as more of an asshole, which probably would have increased her attraction for me, but could have upset my friend the Giraffe. Oftentimes, girls can’t separate kindness from weakness. Her actions toward me became more and more negative because she thought I was helping her because I’m attracted to her. When really I was helping the Giraffe. Girl’s don’t seem to be able to separate those two things very effectively.
Originally me and this girl did not get along, so I got plenty of solo time with the Giraffe. But now every time I hang out with the Giraffe her roommate is there. And it’s not something I mind, but it adds a layer of complexity to this social situation. The best action at this point is to break rapport. But now I have to break rapport with both of them. Basically I can’t text/hang out with the Giraffe for about a week. Ironically, I’m heading to Florida for 10 days next week. So it will be about 3 weeks of breaking rapport. C’est la vie.

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