This is a guest post from Jordan Harbinger, a friend and fellow dating coach over at The Art of Charm.
You aren’t the only guy going after the girls you’re interested in.
While that statement is exceptionally simple, it is also crucial to keep in mind if your goal is dating your ultimate woman.
Why?
Because chances are she’s giving out her number on a regular basis and, as a result, you need to maintain (or build) her attraction in you EVERY step of the interaction.
You did yourself well in getting her number, but if you want to actually date her, it’s what you after you receive her number that sets you apart enough to make her want to date you.
In this post, I’m going to show you how I do that with my first text. You’re going to learn how to solidify her attraction and consistently turn your numbers into actual dates. There are just a few key principles you need to know and they are very easy to learn.
You see, a lot of guys can get a girl’s number, but what often happens is they get so excited about pulling numbers… that they give little thought to what to do with them.
(I’m going to avoid the debate of calling versus texting for now, but what you should know is texting is better during these early stages. Not only is it becoming the de facto way to communicate (especially with people you just met), but it’s lower pressure for her, lets her respond when she has the time, and vastly increases YOUR chances of hearing back from her.)
So let’s talk about how to nail that first text, so you can maintain (or grow) her attraction in you and move closer to that first date.
Though you are only sending 1-3 lines of text, you are giving off (often unconsciously) signals that tell her a lot about what type of guy you are.
For example:
Is meeting women a typical behavior for you?Do you have high Social Value?Are you easily manipulated or do you have a strong sense of personal identity?What kind of personality do you have? Will you be able to excite her and make her laugh? Or are you boring like every other guy?Are you needy or do you have other things going on in your life?
These are just a few of the things she will subconsciously pick up from your text messages… and they impact her decision of whether or not she’ll want to move forward with the relationship.
This may seem like a lot pressure to cram on a few lines of text, but once you incorporate these principles into your text game you will naturally give off the right signals.
To begin, we need to look at why most guys don’t get this right.
For many guys the first text is a stressful, agonizing experience. You sit there wracking your brain for hours to come up with the perfect zinger to send… but then end up with something brilliant like:
Hey what’s up?Hey cutie, it was nice meeting you last night. Want to hang out tonight?How is your day going?What are you up to?Do you remember me? -{your name}Hey it’s {name} from the bar/party/club last night. What’s up?
These types of texts are typical and THAT’S WHY they’re boring.
Instead of setting you apart, they lump you right into the “lame/boring” category with every other guy.
Not only are they completely devoid of emotional impact, but they kill any initial attraction you built up with her when you got her number in the first place.
How do you write a 1st text that sets you apart and makes her excited to text you back? There are three essential ingredients I’ve found you need:
It needs to set a fun, playful tone for future interactionsIt needs to engage her emotions, causing her to re-affirm her attraction to youIt needs to compel her to respond
If you can accomplish all of these in your first text, odds are she will not only respond positively, but will be much more willing to move forward with you.
Let’s take a look how to each element works and how to incorporate them together in your first text.
This may sound crazy at first, but fourth-grade humor should be the underlying theme for most of your text messages, including the initial interaction. (This stems from the larger point of your overall successful text strategy, but that is too big for one article. You can learn more about that here.)
Light-hearted, super-silly jokes win women over because they get her constantly associating positive and playful emotions with you.
You can accomplish this by using a variety of tools: nicknames, role-playing, teasing, etc. Plus, always remember that the way you word things has a dramatic effect on how it is perceived, like “dancing” vs “bust-a-move.”
The most powerful and important element of your first text is engaging her emotions.
The primary goal of your initial texts should be helping her re-experience the feelings of attraction you created when you got her number. You want to continue with whatever you did to make her attracted in the first place…
… and the easiest way to do so is by referencing a topic from your past conversation.
This will cause her to recall her time with you and to feel those same emotions she felt at that point – the very emotions that were the foundation of her attraction to you (and you to her as well).
The last thing you want is to have to start back at Square One and re-build positive emotions in her. Instead, pick up where you left off and you’ll be able to move your relationship along much quicker.
How do you compel attractive women to consistently respond to your first texts? The same way you get anyone to respond: by asking a question or making a statement that requires more info.
Now here’s the catch: you can’t just pop her any old question or statement… otherwise, Hey what’s up? would be effective. What kind of question do you ask? Simply take a basic question and re-word it so it becomes fun and playful.
Example:
What’s up? becomes What kind of mischief are you causing today?
Here’s another example that would require additional information: I just figured out what you would be if you were an animal. If she wants to know the answer she has to text you back.
The secret is to make the statement about her personally. Nothing makes a person more curious than what someone else thinks about them.
Imagine that during your conversation she told you how she used to always go to the zoo to see the penguins. She was obsessed with them and went to bed every night until she was twelve with her stuffed penguin, Chilly Willy.
When it comes time to text her, you can now draw from that story to not only show that you listened (good job), but more importantly, to evoke all those emotions again.
Next you compel her to respond by adding a question or statement that requires more information.
You then set a fun and playful tone not only by the way you word your text, but by adding in things like nicknames, role-playing, teasing, etc.
If you put it all together it would look something like this:
Hey my little penguin princess, what kind of mischief are you causing today!?
Or
Hey my little penguin princess, I just realized which celebrity you remind me of.. crazy crazy
As brief and silly as these messages seem, they accomplish a lot:
They cause her to recall the positive feelings she had when sharing that story with you, re-affirming her attraction to you.They also demonstrate that you are not like every other guy and compel her to respond in a playful way.
This puts her guard down and sets the tone for a successful interaction. The first example even lets you know what her plans are for the day… and you can then use this information to move the conversation forward and perhaps even plan a meet up. Not bad for a few lines of text.
As you begin using this system, you should know that while the exact words you use are pretty important, the main thing to worry about right now is following the 3 principles I just laid out (and I KNOW they work because I’ve been using them successfully myself for quite some time now).
And that’s part of the beauty of it: you no longer need to stress over what to say.
Next time you get a number, you just need to remember these 3 principles as you recall the interaction and you’ll naturally know how to follow up with her.
It’s OK if it feels weird the first time you try it — it’s something new. But remember, if you aren’t happy with the results you’re getting right now, the only way to change that is to change what you’re doing.
So give it a shot and allow yourself the opportunity to see what happens. What’s the worst that could happen? What’s the *best* that could happen?
I’ll finish with one last note: if you are still following a 3-day or any other kind of rule about how long to wait until you send the first text, cut it out already!
The feeling of attraction is fleeting, so you have to strike while the iron is hot.
Don’t give her time for the memory of you to fade away… or, even worse, get replaced by another guy. You should almost always text a girl within hours of getting her number, and never later than the next day.
And if you want to learn even more texting strategies, you can get my new guide right here totally free. You’ll get a thorough, step-by-step system for consistently turning phone numbers into awesome dates. And if you’re like most guys, it will start giving you results tonight already.
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